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If he respects them, then he gets the green light and you two can continue to get to know him. Yes, you might get some radio silence at first but eventually, someone will emerge from that rubble and will be similar to you with values more aligned to yours.The only way you’ll see him or find him is if you shut the rest of the noise down.You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.
My husband is a great father and has always been very hands-on with the children who really love him and I don’t want to end up separated.What if you are still interested in talking but just not about sex? You might think that if you say no to every man who mentions sex in the first conversation, you won’t meet anyone.You have to be really clear on that and set your boundaries accordingly. That only means you won’t be meeting the men you are incompatible with and that’s not really a loss.You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.